January 25, 2017

Lunch Rejection Syndrome: This is a condition whereby your kid(s) do not eat the lunch you painstakingly packed for them. As a Stay At Home Dad (SAHD), I was mortified when I unpacked the Tupperware at the end of the school day only to find the same ham sandwich (now somewhat warm and smelly) still there! Are you #$%! kidding me!? AND the apple slices!? Now turning like a brown composty color? Noooo!!! I needed to innovate my lunch game fast or risk losing market share to the school cafeteria! So, I implemented a Three (3) Step Lunch Improvement Plan:

Step 1: Heck with Whole Grains, Bust out the Buttermilk
First thing I did was stop buying that goodie-two-shoes Nine Grain bread. Yeah, forget about the flax seed and rye and go straight for some yum-yum-for-my-tum-tum Buttermilk or Potato bread!! Or better yet, sweet Hawaiian bread! BOOM!! Holler! And I further sweetened my lunch offering by [GASP] cutting off the crusts!! I know, that’s like total cheating. But still, they loved it!

Step 2: Four Sandwiches, Endless Combinations
A rookie mistake in my lunch game was assuming my four kids would all eat the same combo: Bread + mustard + meat + apple slices + quit-yer-belly-aching. OK, that was REJECTED because of [GASP] “individual tastes and preferences”. Like I have 4 foot tall customers each ordering their own Decaf Latte with double shots of skim milk! So, yes, I now have converted my 6am lunch operation to CUSTOM sandwich prep. Marley needs Peanut Butter (“NO JELLY, DAD!!” And FOLDED OVER!!) Maisie needs a half size mini sandwich with mayo on one slice, mustard on the other. Fiona needs a dill pickle SPEAR (NOT SLICES!!) added in a baggie (else soggy sandwich). Callan needs salami, cut into 4 pizza-like-slices and a LIME YOGURT (“Don’t come at me with Strawberry, DAD!!”)

Step 3: Surprise & Delight!
Hey, everyone likes a little surprise every now and then, right! YES! So, I’ll throw in a bag of Goldfish, some Tic Tacs, a Hershey’s kiss or a napkin with some hand drawn artwork. Callan likes my cartoon trucks! One time, just for fun, I drew a little cartoon butterfly with the words “I Love you!” on my 13-year old’s napkin to which she returned it, crumpled up, with the words “STOP IT! YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME!” written on it. (Hee-hee!!!). But, hey, at least she ate her sandwich!!!