January 12, 2018

I am now a legitimate domestic double threat. My laundry game is “sick” (as my kids would say). And my dishwasher skills are “filthy” (to use a baseball pitching phrase). Ironically this means I am like an Olympic gold medalist in both of these Stay At Home Dad (SAHD) events.

But, sadly, I’m slowly turning into a kitchen czar because despite clearly needing help from my four kids (“hello!-the-towels-don’t-hang-themselves-up-yet!!!!”), I am reluctant to delegate “kitchen operations” for fear of even bigger messes being made. Guess who cleans up the “bigger messes”? Yeah, the kitchen czar.

So, I’m essentially morphing into the 50 year old get-off-my-lawn guy except now it’s get-your-hands-off-my-dishwasher! Clear your plates and rinse them? Please. But, a family of six requires the dishwasher loading skills that only a SAHD can bring. Hello!? Who packs the van on vacation like a family of sardines? Same goes for the dishwasher. Don’t come at me with Tupperware on the lower deck!! Weak! And, how many times do I have to tell you ONLY I CAN USE the “Power Boost” button on the control panel!! Not meant for Paw Patrol plasticware, people!!

Am I perfect? No, gradually learning my dishwasher game. Like there was that one time when I put Emily’s new Les Creuset pot in there and she just about stabbed me with a meat thermometer. (But, I thought a pan that can withstand heat like the nosecone of the Space Shuttle could deal with some hot water and soap!).

And, there was that other time when we just moved into the neighborhood and we invited another family over for Sunday dinner. One of our three dogs was licking plates in the open dishwasher, got his dog tag caught, and proceeded to pull out the entire shelf and dragged it across the kitchen leaving a trail of broken, dirty dishes and meat gravy 10 feet long. Hello! Welcome to our house!!

Now THAT is the kind of big mess that the SAHD kitchen czar is trying to prevent! So, kids…. please, for the love of Pete and my somewhat limited sanity, keep your hands off my dishwasher! (But pick up your $%*# towels, please!!!)