[If this was a graphic novel, this blog would be the “origin issue”.     The “chocolate dryer” incident was inspiring (or scarring) enough to make me want to write this blog.   This was the first “story” originally published on my Facebook page.   Enjoy!      And, please empty your pockets of candy, gum, and chocolate morsels BEFORE I do the wash!!!]

December 20, 2017

My laundry game has seriously improved.  Like if there was an award for “Most Improved White Loads”, I would win it easily.  My OxiClean skills are top notch (thank you to several friends turned coaches who are really good at laundry).   

But, four months into being a full-time Stay-At-Home-Dad (SAHD), I was probably getting a bit too overconfident.  While lingering over my third cup of morning coffee I started noticing the faint scent of chocolate wafting over the laundry room.

Hmmm….

For a split second I was thinking, “Damn, I am SO good at multi-tasking!” because, yes, I had to bring three dozen cookies to school!  And, everyone loves chocolate chip, right!?  Homemade cookies would catapult me right to the pinnacle of the Stay-At-Home-Parent hierarchy!   BOOM!   Drop the mic!   Then I realized I wasn’t baking.  My dryer was.

It should have clicked when I noticed that little wet chocolate coin while emptying the dark load from the wash.   But, after initially cursing four kids under my breath, I thought –  “Hey, this little chocolate treat is MOSTLY still wrapped! Risk level LOW. Chocolate contained. Proceed into the dryer!”

Then, about 30 minutes later the lovely scent of homemade cookies started.   And then, like a scene from a David Lynch horror movie, I realized that there must have been TWO chocolate morsels!!!! [INSERT CARTOON CLOUD OVER MY HEAD… “OMG YOU $#&*!@-ING KIDS!!!””].

Slowly I opened the dryer.   The the sight of melted Dove chocolate coating the inside of the dryer just about made me puke.   Or curl up in the fetal position hugging a bottle of fabric softener.   Rookie mistake!   (But, it smelled really nice!)

I spent the next 15 minutes hand wiping the inside of the dryer with Clorox wipes and dropping profanity like a Marine sergeant.  Then, I tried some mindfulness meditation and calmed myself down knowing that these clothes will be EXTRA clean being washed twice in the same morning!!  And in a newly hand-cleaned dryer!!!

As for those cookies…. Will just have to buy them at Safeway and then repackage them on paper plates with Saran Wrap and pawn them off as maybe-these-are-homemade-and-I-didn’t-just-buy-them-at-Safeway.

Now, THAT Is how a real SAHD rolls! Boo-yah!!