Have you noticed that as your kids get older they tend to borrow your stuff and not put it back? Like power tools (for the 100th time, where is my %&#@! cordless drill?!) and shoes (smooshing the heel down on my Vans because they’re too lazy to actually put their foot ALL THE WAY inside!). And then, the pièce de résistance of BBNPB (Borrowing-But-Not-Putting-Back) is my missing iPhone charging cable/plug thingy. Seriously people, after a hard day scrambling after my four kids, that last thing I need is to scramble around the house at 10pm looking for my $#@% charging cable!!! So, I have done some serious thinking about how to combat this BBNPB epidemic.
At first, I thought about discreetly setting my iPhone cable-charger-thingy as bait in one of those really big snappy mousetraps! [INSERT EVIL LAUGH HERE Mooh-ha-ha-haaaaa!] Like the mousetraps at the hardware store so big you think you might catch wily coyotes in them. But then, I thought that might require me to administer first aid or – worse for my schedule – take them to the doc-in-the-box round the corner. Plus, my deductible might not cover the stitches if Cigna found out I actually set the trap.
So, I moved on to Plan B, which I call: Writing a Simple Warning Note Because If They Are Old Enough To Steal My Shit They Should Be Old Enough To Read A Damn Post-It Note Near My Charging Cable Thingy. Okay, that’s a really long name for a cunning plan. Granted. I then started using my marketing skills and really tried to connect with my target audience. Maybe use a polite fatherly tone like, “Hi! Please don’t borrow my charging cable because you usually don’t return it and I eventually find it squirreled away behind your bed with crumpled up Starburst candy wrappers.” Okay, yes, again a problem with the economy of words. DANG! I needed something that would REALLY GRAB their attention which SnapChat has whittled down to the size of a Skittle!
So then, I remembered that one of the greatest motivators for people is fear… and it probably works on kids too. [QUEUE THE EVIL LAUGH AGAIN HERE] And, even though I am frequently accused of being the “soft” parent (just like Olaf, I like warm hugs) I decided to write a note with a semi-threatening tone to discourage the BBNPB behavior but not actually scar them such that I would someday have to pay for counseling. Also, screw the Post-It note. No, sir! On an 8.5 x 11.5 sheet of paper, using BOLD 200 pt font, I printed the words: “IF YOU TAKE THIS CORD, I WILL SHAVE YOUR HEAD WHILE YOU SLEEP!!! YOU KNOW I CAN! I HAVE THE CLIPPERS!!!” And, just to really drive my point home, I included a picture of Cinderella with a partially shaven dome.
Hey, has a Stay at Home Dad (SAHD) that shaves his head, I’ve got to work to my strengths! Oh, and let’s see how all their friends at school like their new hairdo next time they steal my charging cable!!!! [ONE LAST EVIL LAUGH FOR GOOD MEASURE INSERTED HERE! Moo-ha-ha-haaaahhh!!!]