It was huge and frightening. And coming right towards me! A wild tangled mane that looked like brown cotton candy! “Big foot?!?”, I shuddered to think. No thankfully, not a monster, but almost just as terrifying – it was the hair atop the teenage boy-who-is-a-friend with my 16 year old daughter. And, he was not alone. All his “bros” have ginormous fluff helmets as well! Like even under their hats they have hair like a 1976 Oscar Gamble baseball card. It’s basically teenage David Hasselhoff’s walking around my house!
What exactly is going on around here?! As a proud Gen-X’r, I graduated from high-school the year before Top Gun was released. #maverick #goose #dangerzone #shirtlessvolleyball #iwasinverted Short hair – high and tight – was all the rage. I mean even the snarling Billy Idol sported a buzz cut in 1986! And now it’s like 1978 Larry Bird hair gone wild!
There is a possibility that I am resentful because I shave my head (“No, I am NOT ‘bald’!”, I always chide my kids.). So, I cannot possibly compete with today’s outrageous teen Sampsons .
But, if I wanted to do some grouchy grow’d man speak, I might mutter things like…“I have clippers with a 0000 blade! And, I know how to use them!!”
Or even more retro…. “Bruh, I’m giving you a Flowbee for your birthday!! Do you feel me?!”
OMG, who am I kidding?! They have no idea what a Flowbee even is! #sad. #infomercialclassic
And, don’t even come at me with COVID excuses for the 2020 Big Hair Revival! You can still get clipped and groomed on the sidewalk, people!
So much to look forward to in 2021…. coronavirus vaccine, hopefully new POTUS (with much less hair!), and trims for the youngsters! #scaryhair #dreaming #getahaircut
And, by the way, cool SAHDs shave their domes, bruh!